Patrick Doyle talks about how rationalizing is the fourth top tactic abusers use that harm the person they are in a relationship with.
Rationalizing at its core is excuse making. An abuser makes an excuse for their harmful behavior making is seem like it was the right thing to do. This makes you feel like you are wrong or irrational for making the abuser feel like they harmed you. Thus making you the problem.
People who do this are unsafe and unkind because they are avoiding their responsibility for harming you.
If you are in a relationship where someone doesn’t ever admit responsibility of hurting you, there is a good chance you are experiencing a form of rationalizing.